Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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