Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
