it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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