bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
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