we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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