We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
