i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
