Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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