i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Randomize
