If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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