Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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