I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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