I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
