it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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