Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Randomize
