Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
