Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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