You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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