i just had sex bonerless
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
