I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
