Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
