I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
