I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
