i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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