I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
