Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
This is the high leading the old right now
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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