i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
