office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
