I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
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