Well apparently he's into motor boating.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
