I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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