My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
