She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
