i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
