i'm signing you up for texting rehab
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
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