She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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