my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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