..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
