I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We left the knife in your bed.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
