you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
