My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
