Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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