If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize