I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
