My brain says no but my pants say off.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
