Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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