Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
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Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
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So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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