fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
