so that wasnt chicken after all
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
