it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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