Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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