We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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