Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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