How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
