he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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