right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
