there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Randomize
