I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
