When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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