we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
