Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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