god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
