so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
