I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We have started to decorate penises.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
