Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
do nipples grow back?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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