[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I need mimosas to revive my soul
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
