just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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