He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
tell me about the fingering
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