so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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