I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
