A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
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Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
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I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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