What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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