she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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