just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
