The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
