my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
