dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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