it hurts more in the daytime
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
