u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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