I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
