Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
