omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
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