Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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