Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He did a backflip because drugs
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
