This is not my ceiling
if only i could text you this smell
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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