We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
